Surviving Mercury in Retrograde

Have you noticed everything and everyone is a bit off right now? This is not a drill, people. Mercury is in retrograde at the moment and, to be honest, it’s a real pain. The retrograde happens 4 times this year, this being the 3rd one, and the September one is always the hardest for me. I just realized that it is why I have a love/hate relationship with my birthday, which falls smack dab in the middle of the retrograde. Every year I have an uncomfortable feeling around celebrating it and I usually prefer to spend it alone. So as I was gearing up for this retrograde, I finally realized the connection. Yes, it took me nearly 37 years to realize it but better late than never.

So what is the deal with Mercury in retrograde? For the 3 weeks that it is happening – this go around is August 30 through September 22 – it basically wreaks havoc on communication, travel, and technology. So far the following has happened to me:

  • I got into a Facebook fight with my best friend’s husband. I NEVER engage like that on social media. I don’t know what came over me and am horrified that it happened. Day 1 of the retrograde, welcome to communication meltdown city!
  • Both iPhones in my possession (1 work, 1 personal) got the latest update. Both iPhones with the latest update started showing a notification of 4 unread messages when there are no unread messages in each inbox. Now my work phone isn’t able to retrieve mail. Also, is unable to hold a charge and keeps shutting off. Thank you, Mercury in retrograde, for messing with my electronic devices.
  • I willingly gave my email address for a few things lately as part of a sign-up process (rewards membership for Ulta being one). Now, I’m receiving at least 50 junk emails per day because my email was sold out to spammers. Awesome. You’re not supposed to start anything new or sign contracts during the retrograde and now I know why.
  • I feel like almost everything I say is being taken the wrong way and am probably taking what others say the wrong way as well. I’m noticing more and more people engaging in disagreements that appear to be just plain miscommunication. This is the retrograde muddying communication.

So how does one survive the 3 weeks of this hellatious retrograde, apart from hiding in a cave the whole time? I bring you…

LaurDoone’s tips for getting through Mercury in retrograde with your relationships, dignity, and job intact:

  1. Zip your lips. Seriously. If you must speak/write/communicate, do so sparingly, thoughtfully, and with kindness. I would suggest keeping controversial opinions and thoughts to yourself at this time or think very carefully how to present them. No matter how clear you think you’re coming across, the retrograde will definitely mix up your message. Things that you normally joke with people about might be misunderstood or seem offensive right now.
  2. Read and re-read any and all emails, notes, texts, or documents before sending. Same goes for anything you receive, before you respond. Firing off a quick email to a work colleague that you disagree with could end badly. Seriously, read everything at least twice so that you are sure you are not creating a misunderstanding or interpreting something incorrectly.
  3. Put off any major decisions or purchases. My best friend was going to go car shopping this weekend but after discussing the retrograde, we decided it was best if she waited a few more weeks. Because Mercury likes to misconstrue communication during the retrograde and create unclear results (see my spam email folder for example), it’s best to hold off until after Mercury is finished botching things up. It would be terrible to sign a contract right now and find out when the dust settles later in the month that what you are now contractually obligated to is not what you thought it was. If you must make a major decision or purchase or agreement, take extra care to make sure you are crystal clear on what you are getting.
  4. Back up and protect all of your devices. Perhaps power down and put away devices you don’t use frequently during this time. Power down frequently used devices after each use to minimize whatever electronic damage Mercury wants to dish out. Pay extra attention to where you put your phones and tablets so they don’t find their way into water or with a cracked screen on the ground.
  5. Allow for extra travel time. Whether you are flying, driving, or other transport… there will be delays and mishaps, it’s almost guaranteed. Leave extra early for work. Not only is back to school traffic happening but Mercury is messing with travel as well. There is more construction, there are more accidents, and more people not paying attention. One friend told me the other day that his kids’ school district “lost” a couple of school buses during the first week back. They seriously didn’t know where they were and kids and parents were left waiting. That’s a bit more than a first week back to school mishap!

There you have it. Good luck, and we’ll resume our normally scheduled programming on September 23!



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Sh*t Days Happen

Let’s cut the shit, shall we? So much time is spent putting on our happy faces, posting the positive pictures to social media (I do this bountifully), and pretending we have it all under control. Let’s get real, we are not always happy, we sometimes have shit days, and we rarely have it all under control. Some, perhaps, but hardly ever all.

I had a shit day yesterday. What happened? Really nothing significant at all. It was just a crap day when I felt like crap and wanted to crawl into a hole instead of pasting a fucking smile on my face for the world to see. Why do we paste a smile? Because no one likes a negative person. “How are you?” Should always be answered with “Good, thanks!” Unless you’re talking to someone you are trying to date in which case the answer must always be “Amazingly super I love every ounce of my life because I am a SUPER POSITIVE PERSON PLEASE LIKE ME.”

It’s exhausting. I’m exhausted. I have to be a good mom doing it all by myself and a good employee ticking off all my to dos and a run a good/clean/fed/paid for household and be a supportive daughter/sister/friend/whatever and at the end of the day work on loving myself so that I can manifest a decent relationship because my marriage went down in flames and I crave the love of the elusive decent man. Can we just get real? Don’t get me wrong, I am all about an attitude of gratitude and making lemons into lemonade and all that shit but sometimes I just want to cry. A lot. Because sometimes, even though my life is great, it hands me a shit sandwich and I have to feel through it. Sometimes, the weight of it all hits me like a punch in the chest and I cannot breathe. Sometimes I just do not have it all together. Sometimes, on days like yesterday, I am just depleted emotionally, physically, and mentally.

Something out there makes us feel like we’re not supposed to be like this, ever. We put on our big girl (or boy) pants, slap a cream cheese carved smile on our faces, and be that strong, charming, joyful person the world expects us to be. It’s more palatable. It’s more acceptable. Happy sells. Unhappy… well… breeds judgment. Oh you’re not completely content in your life? Shame how your children must suffer. You’re a single working mom? Surely you can’t juggle it all, your employer must be VERY understanding or your children MUST be lacking. So much shaming, so much “butt hurt,” so much judgment being slung about. It’s no wonder we try to portray the best parts of ourselves so we can remain protected from the onslaught of people’s immediate need to hate on you for anything or everything. Right now everyone is so focused on placing blame on the littlest to the biggest things that no one can say the simplest thing without a finger being pointed at them in judgment.

Fuck it. I had a bad day yesterday. I’m not always happy. I’m not always a good mom. I’m not even close to a perfect person. I cried yesterday. I felt like shit yesterday. I did not have it all together yesterday. For not a particular, major, identifiable reason. That’s the reality. That’s what is real. I will continue to post the beautiful happy moments in my life to social media but right now, I am letting you in on the dark side of me. I feel like I suck sometimes. I feel like I’m not enough sometimes. I feel like I’m failing a lot of people sometimes. And…. I feel like I AM NOT ALONE IN THESE FEELINGS. We all have them. We all have these days, we all have these moments, we all have times when we are not at our best but we feel like we can’t show that to the world. But why not? I can be peace and love and light and STILL have a shitty day once in a while. It’s just life. The yin and the yang of it. Can’t we just fucking admit to that?



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