Yesterday was the worst day in my parenting history. There have been bad days before and really bad days but yesterday I can unequivocally say was the worst. I truly believe all three of us woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I was generally cranky about nothing at all and the wildlings seemed the same. After delicious morning cuddles in bed, we three began our quest and competition of how to make the day as difficult as possible.
The little lady kicked it off quite nicely. We’re in the 4th week of the 2nd attempt at potty training. Some days it’s great, other days she pees and poops through every outfit and hides from me when I tell her it’s time to go potty. Friday was an accident-free day so I was confident going into yesterday. Boy was that the wrong attitude. Before I even finished my coffee she had peed through 2 pairs of pants and pooped through another. Abject refusal to use the potty was her modus operandi. Not a dry pant in the house ALL. DAY. LONG.
We finally get out of the house for the weekly pilgrimage to the greatest place on earth, Target. It was the kind of Target trip that needed an extra boost so it began with latte in hand. (Side note: Thank you, gods of caffeine and retail for the beautiful partnership you created between Starbucks and Target. No seriously, I bow to your wisdom and generosity.) Second stop after sbux was The One Spot to hunt for a “toy surprise” for each wildling. Wildling #2 settled on alphanumeric stickers pretty quickly, but Wildling #1 had an issue because I limited the toy to the $1 items but he wanted a $3 item. Usually this is not an issue and he always looks to see if there is a “1” or a “3” and always puts back the “3” items. Not yesterday. No sir. Tears, anger, refusal to listen. A toddler-type meltdown coming from my Kindergartner and we had hardly even gotten into the store yet. I would have scooped the kids up and left if I didn’t need the damn toilet paper and baby wipes we went there to get. Thankfully I didn’t decide that going later would be better because; let me assure you, things did not get better.
He finally settles on a toy, but there is a choice between one that is dinosaurs (which he already has) and one that is flamingos. He chose flamingos. I should have known better. Halfway through the store he pitches ANOTHER fit because he doesn’t want the flamingos, he wants the dinosaurs instead. Once Mommy leaves The One Spot there is no going back so that did not sit well and here we go with another meltdown in the middle of the store. I quickly finish my shopping and get us out of there, only to hear the wail of a boy disappointed the entire drive home.
Once home I discover a dead rabbit in my parking are, right where my car was parked overnight. Did I hit it? When did this happen? It’s huge, what the hell do I do with it? I park next to it, unload the car, beg the kids not to touch it, and decide that right now is not the time to deal with it. I’m having enough animal control problems with the wildlings. I had a dream last night that I saw a lion with tiger stripes come and take it away, and I was happy with that. Ligers in the back alley are fine as long as they take away dead rabbits I don’t want to deal with.
By the time we got back from Target the kids were tired, cranky, and amped up. So this made for a fun afternoon. Wildling #1 decided that he was going to make no good choices all day long. Throwing toys? Yes. Chasing his sister? Yes. Ignoring Mommy? You bet. Not to be outdone, Wildling #2 decided to follow suit… especially in the ignorning Mommy department.
Finally, it was naptime. Now, usually in order to get both of them to sleep (Wildling #1 still does do better with a little nap), I have to do a naptime drive. Yesterday was snowing AND I was so exhausted from the morning shenanigans that I needed a nap too. So, to our beds we three went. Wildling #1 passed out and I hoped beyond hope that it would cure his crankiness (boy was I wrong). I took a little catnap but mainly just laid in bed for restoration. Wildling #2? Not a moment of sleep. Not even a wink. Instead, this little lady decided to create some nice wall art with the blunt end of a makeup brush. Leave it to this child to turn a random object into a writing/coloring instrument. So, naptime fail from the little lady who was already cranky, yelling at and hitting me, and refusing to use the potty. Excellent, this evening should be super.
The nap for Wildling #1 alleviated nothing. Still not making good choices, still ignoring Mommy and breaking rules. Wildling #2 still not using the potty, still ignoring Mommy. By this time I was a ball of stress. I was exhausted. My throat was sore from yelling so much. Why do the wildlings only listen when Mommy sounds like a screaming banshee? Surely my neighbors think this is a house of horrors with the screaming children and shouting Mommy. It was a hot mess. We were all a big hot steaming mess.
My plan after dinner was to do quick tubbies and then we all do some yoga together in our jammies to calm and center ourselves after our rough day. My plan, however, did not come to fruition as it took me an hour – no joke – an HOUR to get both children into the tub, washed, dried, and into jammies. Simply due to refusal to cooperate. Children, I get it, you’re tired, you’re done with me, it’s been a long day, but can you please, please, please just GET INTO THE BATHTUB???? And then, once clean, could you please, please, please GET OUT OF THE BATHTUB YOU INITIALLY REFUSED TO GET INTO?
By the time this was all over, I looked at the clock and thanked the heavens above that it was actually bedtime. There would be no yoga, there would be no centering, there would only be bedtime. Their little bleary red eyes told me the struggle was over. Little lady was out cold in no time. Little dude, not so much. That one has mastered the art of I Am So Tired I Can’t Fall Asleep mode. 2 hours of popping out of bed to come find me every 20 minutes and I finally managed to get him to sleep. It was over. I was spent. All the items on my to do list for the evening were cast aside in favor of jammies, wine, and Netflix. I could not function. Stick a fork in me, I’m done.
It was not our best day. I was not at my best and neither were they. It was one for the books, that’s for sure. This morning we are happy, well rested, and determined to make it a good day. There will be yoga, there will be centering. There will definitely be a naptime drive. Sanity will be restored and the wildlings will be tamed. Now if I could just get someone to get rid of that dead rabbit…
*Yes, I know, Magic Eraser will take care of this in an instant. Not the point.