I Can’t Button My Pants

This is a true story. This morning, I couldn’t button my jeans due to my little baby belly, so I had to bust out the belly band for the first time. No biggie. Got myself ready and went on my merry little way.

I had a conference call at 8:30am today with a few folks from the UK. Namely, folks with titles like “Head of Brand” “Group Head of Finance”… people like that. I work with them frequently and they’re totally cool, so this was not a nerve wracking call by any means but still. I dial in with my little headset on and I wait… for a few minutes. No one joins. Hmm… OK. So I’m sitting there waiting and my cubicle neighbor looks down at himself and says “Oh man, I forgot to wear a belt today!” So, without skipping a beat I say to him “Well, if it makes you feel any better, I can’t button my pants…” As I’m finishing up this thought, I hear someone click on the line. Its my UK folks, all of them in one room, and all of them awkwardly kind of laughing and saying “um, hello?” Yep, that’s right, they dialed in just as I was saying “I can’t button my pants.”

Thoughts running through my head at that moment include:

  • “Why didn’t I just put myself on mute until they joined?”
  • “They are so calling HR on me. Oh wait, they fired our head of HR.”
  • “There are way more voices that I’m hearing than I initially thought would be on this call. How many people just heard that?”
  • “How do I get out of this little pickle with some semblance of dignity?”

So, after thinking all that within about 2.35 seconds, I opt for honesty. Always the best policy. “Um, sorry about that everyone, there is an explanation. I am pregnant and that is why I cannot button my pants. Anyways, shall we get started?” They all laughed, I got an awkward congrats, and we moved on.

I pride myself on my unwavering professionalism.

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