I have a confession to make. I have been trying to keep it together as much as humanly possible over these last 37 weeks but I just cannot anymore. I am ONE. HOT. PREGNANT. MESS.
I know that I was hormonal in my first pregnancy. But, with this pregnancy, I am what I am calling HORRORMONAL. It keeps getting worse and worse as the pregnancy progresses. At this point I cannot wait for this little lady to be born so I can regain some tiny semblance of mental clarity and sanity. Perhaps I will even stop crying. Every single day.
Granted, my life has had so many ups and downs these last nine months that being emotional is par for the course. Just a short (and not at all complete) list includes losing my father, moving, extreme stress at work, and an upcoming very large change in my life (in addition to another baby!). It’s enough to make anyone break down and cry frequently. So, add all the pregnancy hormones into the mix and you have a perfect storm of batshit crazy meets debbie double downer.
My poor husband has taken the brunt of it because I am trying so desperately to keep it out of public view (probably not very successfully). As I described to a friend last night, I usually have a normal period of “freak out” when something upsets me. I am hot for like 15 minutes and then I am fully able to calm down and rationalize. These days its more like a hot period of 15 hours. I cannot calm down. I scream, I cry, I want to throw things (but I don’t). I cannot sleep, I collapse in exhaustion. All this while I’m trying to maintain a full time job, care for a toddler, prepare for baby, socialize with friends and family, and just be a normal functioning member of society. It’s exhausting.
So, I’m now less than 3 weeks to my due date, working from home, and trying with all of my might to relax. At this point, I don’t have the energy to fight it. Hit me up after the baby comes and I might be a normal human being again.